Five Things to Stop Doing

A new year.  A new beginning.  I’ve pretty much dispensed with resolutions these last few years, and, for 2019, have settled on stopping doing the things that aren’t good for me.Living in the past:  It’s easy to live in the past to avoid dealing with problems or difficulties in the here and now. Even though it’s okay to reflect on the past, you can’t live there. You are depriving yourself of the opportunity of living in the present moment, and to be honest, it’s pretty great here.  To move on, we need to forgive past mistakes or hurts.   Start to fully appreciate the moments of today and count your blessings for all the little things that make you happy. When you are truly living in the present moment, your mind isn’t wandering to what happened a few days ago.

Fearing change:  Whether it’s switching jobs, ending a relationship, or moving to a new city, change can be a scary thing.  We’re programmed to fear the unknown, but the best times of my life came about when I chose a path without knowing where it would lead.  Understand that there are just things that you simply can’t control.  And while you may never embrace that mindset, recognise it for what it is.  Having made the change, if you don’t like the end result, you can make another.

Putting yourself down:  When we put ourselves down through negative self talk, whether it’s to ourselves or to others, we are damaging our self-confidence. We are opening up opportunities for others to put us down as well.  We put ourselves down  because we lack self-love and confidence in our abilities. We really are own worst critics. We focus on our flaws and what we do wrong.  Let’s stop thinking the worst about ourselves and begin loving ourselves more instead. Begin investing in the things that make you happy — whether it’s good friends who lift you up, or an activity that makes you feel like the best you.  Let’s be honest, life is hard, and we’re all trying our best. Let’s give ourselves a pat on the back more often.

Overthinking:  I overthink many things in my life.  It’s so easy to get caught up in overthinking everything, especially over the trivial things that won’t matter in the long run.  Overthinking is a vicious cycle that many of us can benefit from breaking.  Try to commit to the here and now, and take confidence in your decisions and abilities.

Trying to please everyone:  At one time or another, we’ve all said yes when we really wanted to say no. After a certain point, it is no longer saying yes to just support a friend, it is saying yes to avoid confrontations or hurting others’ feelings. It becomes a problem when we are constantly giving to others and not leaving anything left for ourselves. Trying to be someone who others expect you to be is mentally and physically draining, and it means you aren’t living life for yourself.

If you pretend to agree with everyone, feel uncomfortable when someone is angry with you, and don’t admit when your feelings are hurt, you are probably spending too much energy on trying to please people. This can leave you exhausted, anxious, and upset. It doesn’t make you a bad person to say no to things you don’t want to do. If someone asks you to do something, be sure it is really worth it and that you’re not being manipulated. Start by saying no to the small things, and remember it’s okay to put yourself first.

Photo: Kew Gardens.